Well here i go again….
Inner voice…
Questions…
Why am i here?
What am i doing?
Why am i writing?
Is it productive?
Is it benefiting anyone?
I think i stepped in a wrong place.
My grammar is poor.
My vocabulary is damn dumb.
English is not my language then why the hell am i even trying.
They must be laughing at me.
I should leave without a word.
Silently.
This is not where i belong.
Where exactly do i belong?
Not here. Not there.
Do i have a place i can call my home?
It's pressurizing.
Wednesdays are becoming suffocating.
I’m so tired of all of this.
I’m done.
I should disappear.
Maybe once i learn english correctly then i’d write.
But why?
Why do i want to learn english?
My urdu isn't any better either.
Why did i write?
I’m not a writer.
I can never be.
Then why am i trying to fit in?
What's my Intent?
Am i doing it for… attention?
Gosh i would rather kill myself.
Am i exposing my privacy too much?
Am i overdoing it?
Why am i telling my stories?
Is there any moral in them?
I shouldn't have….
Sara you shouldn't have…
Ugh i want to write but don't want to write.
Maybe my place is in the kitchen.
Maybe i should just cook and clean.
Then why am i writing this?
Why would i post it?
Isn't that attention seeking as well?
Am i seeking approval?
What were you thinking Sara?
Posting your secrets in public. Why?
Who do you think you are!
They are just amusing themselves!
They are laughing inside at your incorrect words!
Leave and run away!
This is not where you belong!
This is not your place!
You're an outsider here!
You're only making a joke of yourself!
Just Quit!
Go back to where you come from!
Why publish???
…
"What's my Intent?"
😳 wait a second... Kaleidoscope Challenge! I almost forgot. Is there any April left?
It’s completely normal to question yourself. To wonder how others see you.
“Am I good enough?”
“What’s my motivation?”
“Is this becoming too much?”
You’re not alone in those thoughts, we’ve all wrestled with them. Impostor syndrome is our brain’s way of keeping us humble.
There’s a butchered version of Descartes ("I think therefore I am)
“You write, therefore you belong.”
Theres no secret handshake. No grammar police waiting to pounce. You show up and share something you wrote. That’s enough to get you in the door.
Your English doesn’t need to be perfect. None of us are. We’re all still learning and figuring things out, there's no shame in having a thesaurus open in another tab and running a grammar and spelling check. The fact that you’re doing all of this in a second language and still getting your point across beautifully? That’s more than impressive.
You have a wroting style, a signature. I could read something and know it was yours with no authors name at the top. There aren't many who can claim to have that!
I think often think how lucky I am to have been born where I was, with English as my native language. Something I take completely for granted is a mountain others have to climb before they even start.
You asked, “Why am I even trying?
Because it’s a challenge. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be interesting.
If you already knew everything, there’d be nothing left to discover. We write to learn, to grow, to connect. If you reach perfection then you can stop. Then there's nothing left to learn. Until then, keep going.
If your place is truly in the kitchen, then write in the kitchen! Scribble between sips of tea, or while something’s bubbling on the hob. Write with flour on your fingers if you have to. Just don’t stop writing.
You don’t need to be perfect to fit in here. You don’t need to wear a disguise or play a part. You just need to be Sara.
And you are doing brilliantly.